thank God for facebook i get to express my sad feelings through writing. 5 months ago my grandma passed away. 3 months ago my best friend in elementary passed away. just a moment ago i was informed that my crush in UPLB college passed away from cancer.
i wish there's a way i can convince people that i'm not exaggerating when i say that even up to now, i find her to be the most attractive person in history of mankind. usually it's not a big deal because we all have a person who we think is most attractive to us. she was also my "right of passage". i'm fortunate enough to have listened to very entertaining but truly honest talk show hosts of the world (e.g. joe rogan, howard stern) who taught me that every man, no matter how great, undergoes a stage where he has a tremendous crush on someone that causes soooooo much pain you feel like you are gonna die. it's part of growing up and although i'm not an expert, i'm sure it has tremendous benefits to character building. but that's not the reason why she is very special to me and all my passwords revolve around her name.
she wasn't a secret crush. one my identities in college was the "the idiot who thinks he has a chance with the most beautiful girl in campus". and they were right. i'm an idiot. but just like the song "beautiful scars", if i were to live my life again, i would have done exactly the same thing. we were classmates in many of our math and computer science classes. we were always seatmates because i always found a way to sit next to her. but the entire 4 years, i only got to talk to her once. it was right before graduation and it was just for around 5 minutes. i was actually the one who cut our conversation short because i did not want to pester her that much and was just thankful that she at least sacrificed her time and gave me the chance to talk to her before i leave school and probably never see her again. i asked her if she had a boyfriend. she told me she does not want to have a boyfriend because she is afraid she might break other people's hearts. that was the first time i learned she was a very caring person or she was also very beautiful on the inside.
in 2007 when i opened this same account in facebook, of course she was the first name i searched. i was so surprised that she was very responsive and eager to share her thoughts, feelings, opinions and aspirations in life. she told me she felt stressed at work and she envied my freedom. she was a computer programmer in a bank in new york. i did advise her to use the power of the dollar to start buying townhouses in the philippines so she can also retire, but i thought she was just trying to make me feel good. i refused to believe that she is just human and not everything in her life is perfect because i wanted to hold on to my perfect image of her.
last time i chatted with her was 10 years ago. i made a conscious decision to not message her anymore out of respect because at that time i was already into young girls and i felt i was not worthy to communicate with her and i would just be tarnishing her pristine life if we continued to communicate.
of course i would check her facebook timeline once in while. 2 years later (9 years ago), it was as if a super awesome gift from heaven just fell on my facebook timeline. you see, my biggest fettish is legs. i've never seen her legs because she never wore shorts. back in college she was like a celebrity in campus and i overheard my doormates trying to guess what her legs look like. one doormate said he does not think her legs are color white. he thinks her legs are color pink. everyone including me just gasped and there was a long creepy silence while everyone was trying to enjoy what they were imagining. fast forward 22 years later (9 years ago). she vacations to el nido palawan and posts like a dozen photos of her wearing a string bikini. not just a swimsuit. a string bikini !!! she was already 40 years old but she looked like a freakin' 15 year old high school girl. holy cow !!! i immediately downloaded the photos before she comes to her senses. that's when i knew there is a God whose main goal is to make me happy.
i think it was around 5 years ago i started to get worried because although i knew she had a boyfriend, she would never post a picture of her boyfriend, which made me suspect their relationship is not that serious or special. at that time i was already starting to grow up and finally become an adult and realize the most important thing in life.
you might be wondering why i don't strive for the best things in life. don't get me wrong i have no regrets in life and i feel blessed despite not having the most important things in life. if anything my shortcomings actually makes my life more meaningful because it makes me happy and honored to be around people who have the most important thing in life. especially that the most important thing in life is not really something i should strive for because it's something that should just happen naturally.
i wanted her to have the most important thing in life because she deserved it. i felt relived when she started posting pictures of her boyfriend. not long ago they got married and it was such a joy to see her wedding photos.
so you can imagine the shock and sadness i felt when i received the news of her passing just a few minutes ago.
farewell, my friend. till we meet again.
(for more of my knowledge bombs, click the "ian's knowledge bombs" banner at the top of this article and choose any article in the table of contents that piques your interest)
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