troubleshooting a car that does not start

7/21/22 fb post:

youtube video: https://youtu.be/mvstzK8U8hE

script:

after doing bypass surgery on my tesla, i can now call myself a surgeon even if it offends the real doctors and vets who toiled many years in school

i was about to drive home after playing a round of golf when my tesla wouldn't start. all i heard was the radiator fan running and a clicking sound when i started the ignition. first i made sure the battery terminal connections were tight. then i tested the battery by checking the headlights. the headlights were pretty bright so i knew the battery was ok. the next step in the troubleshooting was to test the starter. luckily i remembered 25 years ago my cousin's husband taught me how to test a starter by shorting the starter terminal with the battery terminal using a screwdriver.

but first i had to disable the immobilizer. as you know tesla has a very strong security system i even need an app to open the dashboard.

let me show you how to disable the security system. you simply log in to tesla app by entering your password, ian kwanggol, enter. now that the security system is disabled i can open the dash board. i switched the ignition to the engine on position then i shorted the starter terminal and the battery terminal of the starter solenoid with a screwdriver. if you ever try to do this, make sure you never touch the metal part of the screw driver. note the noise is from the radiator fan which i wired to the engine on terminal of the ignition switch.

so there is nothing wrong with the starter. the next step in the troubleshooting is to test the ignition switch and wirings. with my tesla it should be just a quick 15 minute job. if the switch is bad and there are no parts available, no problem. i can just mcgyver any push button switch i can buy from any electronic components store. if the switch is good, that means there is a problem with the wiring or connections. instead of spending lots of time doing continuity checks to pin point the exact location of the disconnection in the wiring, i will just lazily run a bypass wire from the ignition to the starter.

by the way if the terminals of your starter are too far apart from each other you can use a jumper cable by clamping one end to the positive terminal of the battery and clamp the other end to the screw driver. then just touch the starter terminal with the tip of the screw driver. here's the jumper cable that i made out of left over wires when they installed an aircon in my living room. i keep it in the trunk of my car in case of emergency.

when i got home i immediately removed the panels. i only had to remove 8 screws.

i didn't need a wiring diagram. i just used my old crappy multimeter and did trial and error to find the hot terminal or the terminal that is always connected to the positive terminal of the battery. i don't have alligator clips so i just inserted the ground lead of my multimeter inside one of the screw holes.

then i probed each terminal with the positive lead of the multimeter to find out which one is connected to the battery. after i determined which one is the battery terminal, it was easy to determine which one is the starter terminal by process of elimination. that's because i knew the accessories terminal was ok because the radio was working. and i knew the engine on terminal was ok because the radiator fan was working.

i had to hook up one of my multimeter leads to the battery terminal. but i don't have alligator clips. no problem. i simply connected a 10 gauge wire and bent one of the ends so it will ipit inside the connector. 

now that one lead of the multimeter is firmly connected to the battery terminal, i can have fun doing tuslok tuslok on the other terminals to test for continuity. even if i knew the accessories and engine on terminals were working i still needed to identify them so that if the ignition switch passes the continuity tests i will know where to connect the bypass wire.

first i placed the switch in the off position and made sure none of the other terminals were connected to the battery terminal. then i placed the switch in the "accessories on" position and probled each terminal. the ohmeter dial slapped when i probed the terminal right beside the battery terminal which means that was the accessories terminal. then i placed the switch in the "engine on" position. the ohmmeter dial slapped when i probed the terminal right below the "accessories on" terminal which means that was the "engine on" terminal. then i held the keys in the start or last position while i probed the last 2 remaining terminals. the ohmmeter dial slapped when i probed the terminal right below the empty slot of the connector which means the ignition switch is working and the wire below the empty slot is the wire that is suppose to connect to the starter.

since the ignition switch was working, that means there was a problem with the wiring. so i cut that wire and connected it to one end of the bypass wire which i took out from a broken lamp shade. 

i ran the bypass wire through the cockroach hole. i call this the cockroach hole because i think it's the hole the cockroaches use to go inside my car. i was on a date with this korean lady when she suddenly started screaming and stumping her feet. i immediately knew it was a cockroach climbing up her legs so i pulled over to the side of the road. she got out of my car jumping up and down screaming.

i traced the starter wire to this connector. i did a continuity check from the starter to this connector and the connection was good. i temporarily connected the bypass wire to one of the multimeter leads to do a continuity check between this connector and the starter terminal at the ignition switch. there was no connection. that means this is where i should connect the bypass wire.

out of laziness, i simply inserted the other end of the bypass wire into the female slot of the connector so it will become ipit when i put the connector back together.

all i needed to do was test it. AHHH !!! the sound of the engine cranking after troubleshooting and fixing is the greatest feeling in my sad and pathetic life.

(for more of my knowledge bombs, click the "ian's knowledge bombs" banner at the top of this article and choose any article in the table of contents that piques your interest)