(1991) masters: "the soviet union just collapsed. let's TRIPLE the defense budget because we now need LESS security. we can just keep printing money because demand for the dollar will always be strong. we also need to make sure the presidential candidates of both parties are our PUPPETS so no matter who wins we can continue our CORRUPTION and my grandson can continue to profit millions in contracts air conditioning military tents in the middle east. we can divert people's attention away from our corruption by DIVIDING them and letting them fight over issues that don't affect our pockets such as abortion, race, gun control, border security, and gay rights. the american people are actually united at the practical level on these issues but it's not that hard to trick people into fighting each other like FIGHTING COCKS over the minor details because tribal mentality is part of human nature. we can use our minions in the media to keep pouring gasoline to the culture war flame. there is so much room for creativity. example, we can let transgender men compete in women's sports."
(january, 2000) masters: "2 al qaeda operatives are in san diego living with our FBI asset. perfect !!! don't detain them because an attack on US soil will justify more war in the middle east. KACHING !!!"
(the 2 al qaeda operatives participate in the 911 attacks, a $5 trillion gift to the masters. more than 7 thousand US soldiers died unnecessarily in the iraq and afghan war, and hundreds of thousands of civilians killed. out of guilt, the PUPPET paints portraits of the dead US soldiers.)
(2015) masters: "we have a little problem. the other presidential candidate is not a very obedient puppet. he has this EGOISTIC and selfish ambition to save the lives of thousands of american soldiers, save $trillions for the american people by ending the wars and having a more diplomatic relationship with our FAKE enemies, cut the trade deficit with china, and promote peace in the middle east just so that people will praise him. what a jerk !!! this ORANGE PUPPET is an idiot but the problem is it's actually VERY EASY to make the MIDDLE EAST COUNTRIES COOPERATE with each other. cutting the trade deficit with china is very bad for our business because we need china to be remain powerful and threatening to justify our astronomical defense spending. don't worry, our other puppet has a huge lead in the polls. there is no chance the orange puppet will win".
(november 2016) masters: "oh crap. orange puppet won. we need to step up our efforts to destroy this orange puppet. let's hire spies to make fake reports that he is colluding with russia. even add outrageous details in the report that he enjoys prostitutes urinating on him. the good news is the supposedly smart and educated haters of the orange puppet are too WEAK EMOTIONALLY to suppress their TRIBAL MENTALITY urges. those weaklings will just look the other way no matter how we screw up when trying to destroy this orange puppet. unlike in the past when the entire country became united against the WATERGATE SCANDAL.
(2017) orange puppet ambitiously attempts to make a deal with the masters (confident he is an expert in the art of the deal): "i will increase the defense budget by a whopping P200 billion. i will even cut your corporate taxes. but we need to stop the wars and we need to promote peace in the world. the budget should be spent on upgrading our weapons to give us an advantage in modern warfare. fighter jets and aircraft carriers are useless in this era and will just end up being missile pin cushions to the much cheaper and expendable drones".
masters SCOLDING the orange puppet: "fuck you !!! who the hell do you think you are? US ELECTIONS are just THEATER. we are the masters and you are just our puppet. puppets don't make deals with their master".
(2018) masters: "our f-18 project is way over budget and the american public is realizing DRONES are more effective than fighter jets in modern warfare. if tom cruise is still allive, instruct our minions in hollywood to make a sequel to top gun. and tell 40 the band to play the top gun theme when anna seno visits her hometown".
mr. "1+1=2" orange puppet SCOLDING the oxford suma cum laude leaders of europe: "why are you ENRICHING our supposedly biggest enemy by continuing to buy natural gas from them? we are spending hundreds of billions every year to protect ourselves from a country that you are economically supporting. that's crazy !!! you should instead buy LNG from america".
oxford suma cum laude leaders of europe: "why in the world would we buy LNG from america? russia is a much cooler and nicer country compared to america. america electing the orange monster means AMERICA is full of RACISTS and HOMOPHOBES. so we should continue to enrich and empower russia by buying natural gas from them. we know we are right because we are oxford suma cum laudes.".
(the OXFORD and HARVARD suma cum laude journalists MOCK the orange puppet for acting like he knows better than the oxford suma cum laudes. but turns out 1+1=2 is CORRECT. and now european countries are SUFFERING because the oxford suma cum laude leaders were too ARROGANT and HOLIER-THAN-THOU to accept that 1+1=2. the american masters celebrate because war means more kaching kaching kaching !!! their minions who orchestrated the events that lead to the war are being promoted to high positions in government. meanwhile thousands of innocent civilians are dying because of a useless war. the war is useless because ukrainian masters are just as evil as russian masters. zelenski is just a puppet of the evil ukrainian masters. if ukraine wins the war, that simply means their rapists would be their fellow countrymen and not their neighbor who is CULTURALLY IDENTICAL to them and whose citizens are their friends and relatives)
(november, 2020) masters: "the orange puppet just issued an order to withdraw our troops from afghanistan. tell our generals to disobey his orders. that's tantamount to a COUP DE ETAT but the good news is the orange puppet haters are already too emotionally weak to suppress their TRIBAL URGES. instruct our minions in the media to step up their efforts in branding all supporters of the orange puppet as RACISTS and HOMOPHOBES. emotionally weak americans will easily buy into that.".
(february 2021) masters: "damn it !!! our zombie puppet just followed up on the orange puppet's order to withdraw troops from afghanistan. we can't instruct our generals to disobey the order because that would ignite his supporters to wake up and rebel against us. we can PUNISH the ZOMBIE PUPPET by making the withdrawal a disaster. tell our generals to leave the weapons and some americans behind. that would enrage the american public because even those without a high school dimploma would never commit that stupid mistake. also instruct our asset in ISIS to bomb a gate where US soliders are stationed. that would remind our zombie puppet that we are the ones in charge".
(june 2022) masters: "oh crap the party of the orange puppet is getting stronger because the fake culture war that we funded got out of hand. many highly respected democrats such as bill maher and tulsi gabbard even left the party of our zombie puppet. let's neutralize the red wave by mobilizing pro-choice women. instruct the supreme court to overturn roe-v-wade. but let the republicans have a narrow margin of victory in congress so it will be much easier to control our zombie puppet. by the way, have we confirmed that our PUPPET in FLORIDA is on our side? yes? perfect !!! give our puppet in florida a landslide victory so he will be the future of the republican party. what's that? yes also give our other puppet the senator in florida, alvin patrimonio, a landslide victory"
(august 2022) masters: tell our SPEAKER PUPPET who is currently in asia to stop by taiwan. she does not have to do anything there. the sole purpose is to piss off the chinese and intimidate them into saber rattling mode. we should increase the possibility of war any chance we get. by now the supposedly vigilant and highly educated haters of the orange puppet are mentally and morally bankrupt. they will not notice that all the speaker puppet really did in taiwan was to piss off the chinese."
(after the 2022 midterm elections) masters: yehey !!! we got everything we wanted. our puppet in florida could be the next president. but just in case the orange puppet pulls out another miracle in 2024, we always have our JFK option. we also have another problem. looks like russia is chickening out and withdrawing from ukraine. we need another war. iran maybe? nah the middle east is too outdated. aha !!! duran duran !!! why not taiwan? but that would cause our economy to collapse because most of the chips vital to our economy come from TSMC. it will take many years for the chips act to come into fruition and our fabs to begin dishing out those 3 nanometers. aha !!! tears for fears !!! in the meantime, we could allow china to INVADE the PHILIPPINES under the pretext that they are trying to protect their flank in preparation for a taiwan invasion. it's good we already started the war drums rolling when our speaker puppet visited taiwan.".
masters to zombie puppet: "hey fuckhead. pay close attention and stop drooling. (slap !!!) the republicans are now in control of the house. we can have them investigate your son if you ever disobey our orders like what you did when you withdrew our troops from afghanistan. from now on, you simply do everything we say. got that?".
masters: have you read that article from this blogger named ian crystal being passed around social media? aha !!! depeche mode !!! flag his passport and detain him as soon as he enters the country. let's make this fucking EL FILIBUSTERISMO our next jeff epstein. pay $1m dollars each to his babygirls i'm sure one of them will flip.
(for more of my knowledge bombs, click the "ian's knowledge bombs" banner at the top of this article and choose any article in the table of contents that piques your interest)
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