pakisama

"where i come from, the highest complement they can offer a person, is to say that they are down to earth. grounded. i hated it. drives me nuts" --- the tourist

most close friends never criticize or correct each other. they just say things what the other person wants to hear. that would still be a good friendship. if it's a car it would be analogous to a toyota corolla. it's a nice car. i have no complains with that car. however there are higher quality friendships where they criticize and correct each other. that would be like the mercedes benz of friendships.

a good example of a high quality friendship is that of adam corolla and jimmy kimmel. both belong to opposite sides of the political spectrum yet they are the best of friends. they regularly get together with their families and play like little kids. adam is a libertarian republican and makes a living demonizing and ridiculing liberals and leftists. jimmy kimmel is a bleeding heart liberal and has even violated the unwritten rule of late night hosting many times expressing his disgust on republicans - Adam Carolla vs Jimmy Kimmel: A tale of two entertainers. they guest on each other's shows. in fact adam has appeared 50 times in jimmy's show - Adam Carolla's 50th Appearance on Jimmy Kimmel

it's hard for people to believe that 2 people who disagree can still be friends. - https://www.reddit.com/r/AdamCarolla/comments/747w2l/adam_thoughts_on_jimmy/

i used to listen to adam corolla during my long drives when i go snowboarding. he tells stories on how jimmy kimmel taught him life lessons. they used to do this tv show called "the man show". one time in the set of "the man show" an employee greeted jimmy like he was kissing up to him. adam makes a comment to jimmy saying that employee was a "kiss-ass". jimmy tells adam, "what's wrong with that? kissing ass is a good thing. it gives you an advantage in life. that guy is probably just doing the best he can to feed his family.". first of all,what jimmy kimmel said to adam was so true, yet most people in the world are not aware of it, and even believes the contrary. many think kissing ass or "sip sip" is a shameful act. but that's not what amazes me about that story. what's amazing is jimmy had the guts to correct adam, his co-star and best friend. adam is already a star in his own right, yet jimmy did not hesitate to tell him he is wrong. that's something i never see in the filipino culture. i'm even more impressed at adam for his ability to accept he was wrong and even tell the story to the whole world.

i've been saddened lately by the fast deterioration of the EQ (emotional quotient) of the elders in my family. i've accepted it just like any unstoppable forces of nature. i'm just trying to know the reasons behind it. at first i thought it's just old age and maybe someday i will also be emotionally unstable and illogical like my elders (which is very bad for me because i don't have kids who will always protect me when i start losing it). but then i do know lots of old people, mostly in the states who's emotional and logical aptitude ages gracefully. just look at warren buffet at 86 years old. so maybe it's because my elders never had true friends who criticized them because of the pakisama culture.

i guess it's the pakisama culture of the filipinos. in the philippines, the fastest way to lose a friend is to tell them they are wrong about something. just look at the worst case scenario - michael jackson or whitney houston who were surrounded by "YES" people since childhood. surrounded by people who will never say NO for fear of economic repercussions. i'm not a psychiatrist but i think everyone needs people who will also criticize you when you are wrong, not just praise you when you are right. it's the disadvantage of having strong charisma pinna or likeable physical attributes because people are less likely to criticize them. criticism is like a vitamin to prevent your personality or emotional quotient (EQ) from dystrophy or osteoporosis.

i know a lot of highly respectable people that are miserable because in the first place they don't know their weaknesses because they are so likable and charming people are afraid to to criticize them for fear they might lose their friendship.

(for more of my knowledge bombs, click the "ian's knowledge bombs" banner at the top of this article and choose any article in the table of contents that piques your interest)