kayak haimlich maneuver

my daughter was excited kayak shopping but got bummed when i won't buy the glass bottom kayak which should be named "glass bottom death trap" for legal waiver purposes because it easily tilts and water gets in and submerges so you get stranded. it won't actually sink all the way down because it has a floater on one end but it will submerge enough so you can't ride it anymore so if you are in the middle of the deep blue sea far away between negros and cebu like what happened to me you are stranded. at first i was like no problem there was a small pail in the boat i used to remove the water. but after i removed the water and tried to get in, it tilted and water started rushing in and by the time i have climbed in the kayak it was once again submerged. i removed the water again but this time i climbed in from the end of the kayak where the floater was located thinking it would buy me more time to climb in before enough water gets in. it did give me more time but not enough time. luckily i did not panic and i'm athletic enough. i wrapped my precious handsome face with my life vest then pushed the kayak down with all my strength and quickly pulled it under me so i will bolt out of the water and into the kayak like a dolphin. i was also fortunate enough to have foresight and foreskin to realize in hindsight i won't have enough time to move my hands from under my stomach to the front of my face to protect my face from smacking into the aluminum tariff thus the wrapping of the life vest around my face. when i was safely near the shore but still deep enough, i tilted the boat so it will submerge again and rehearsed my new found kayak haimlich maneuver because i was curious if i can still do it without the benefit of adrenaline because this time i noticed the resort staff was ready to jump in their jet skis and rescue me. when i got to shore the staff told me it happens a lot but i was the only one who mcgyvered my way out of it. i was gonna suggest they don't let the guests use the glass bottom death trap anymore but i realize it's a good way for the filipino david hasselhofs to earn extra income because i'm sure any rescued tourist will be thankful and give them a handsome tip which could help feed their family and send their kids to school. as the saying goes, "it's the economy, stupid". i now realize trump is just experimenting by intentionally acting disgusting but pursuing policies like deregulation (e.g. allowing businesses to rent out glass bottom death traps), tax cuts and tariffs that would give more jobs and put money in peoples pockets. until the democrats realize this like what bill clinton did they will have a hard time winning elections. democrats should stop being too idealistic and feel free to do that bill clinton cigar thingy)

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