picking up chicks for uglies

i saw this stupid youtube video with millions of views about a guy giving tips on how to pickup girls. i can't tell if a guy is good looking so i asked my college scholar and she said yes he is very handsome. the dude was boasting the success rate of his techniques. stupid !!! that would be like a 7 foot guy teaching how to dunk in basketball and boasting that his technique works every time. if he was ugly then i would be impressed and want to learn from his techniques. good looking guys don't need special techniques on how to pick up chicks. they just need to stand in the corner and chicks will be the ones to pick them up.

a more useful video would be to teach ugly guys how to pick up hot chicks. girls normally run away from me as if they just saw a freaking monster. i'm also not likable. i only get invited to parties that turns out to be a pyramid scheme recruiting party. yet i've been with many of the most beautiful girls in the world. so i think i have the credibility to mentor in this arena. (some photos of my beautiful girlfriends are in https://ian-crystal.blogspot.com/2017/04/knowledge-bomb-on-self-esteem.html). beneath my mediocrity there is genius. then a layer of anger. then a beautiful soul. then some more anger. a lot of layers as you'll see as you read along.

unfortunately only guys that have similar financial and time resource as me can follow my path less traveled. unless you can use a time machine to go back in time and study hard in school and sacrifice blood and sweat to be successful. you also need to be a person whose only dream ever since childhood is to be with an attractive woman. in other words a jerk. being a jerk is a pre-existing condition (child soldiers in africa have better manners than me).

i was only in high school when i realized i would rather be with an attractive barrio lass than be president of a country. when i was a teenager even low hanging fruits or barrio girls snubbed me but after seeing beautiful girls date ugly guys with fancy cars i set off on my journey. everything i did since then was nothing but for the sole purpose of one day dating an attractive woman. i worked hard in school and my career, did sports and music, all to one day impress a woman. people travel to see beautiful places. i traveled to meet beautiful women, weaponizing the US dollar to compensate for my shortcomings and control the primordial aspects of the relationship.

when i was about 27 years old i met a beautiful woman from my hometown. my first ever date was with her - i didn't have much at that time, just $15 and a plan that involved multiple coupons and an intricate system of bus transfers. i felt lucky and thought she was the one i will have kids and grow old with. so i married her but she immediately maxed out all my credit cards with gold jewelry and ran off with another guy, leaving me with a mountain of debt. at first i thought no biggie that was just bad luck but then i realized she was actually a normal person with lots of close friends and family. everyone adored her and she was very loving, hardworking and loyal to her husband and they had wonderful kids together. that's when i realized there was nothing wrong with her and i simply was not the type to be in a meaningful relationship.

so i decided to shift gear and go for the next best thing: FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS.

i was working in silicon valley. i tried the club scene but immediately realized it was a waste of time for me. night clubs are basically a place where attractive people subliminally mock uncool people for being a loser. their taunting smile and public displays of affection is really a way of saying, "look at us we are so awesome and the rest of you are just pathetic". it's a perfect place for uncool people to lose their self esteem. but of course they never show it. the losers pretend to be just proud and honored to mingle and hang out with the cool folks. their foolish subconscious misleads them into a pathetic feeling of confidence like, "oh my gosh a very attractive and cool person just shook hands with me and hugged me maybe i'm also cool or maybe it will elevate my standing in the social strata. maybe this means i will also be able to hook up with someone i'm attracted to.". some pretend to just play it cool like "i'm not here to hook up with someone. i just came here because i enjoy dancing and meeting new friends. hooking up with someone is not important." YA RIGHT !!! i was not born yesterday dude. 

i know what goes on in their minds subconsciously when they do their socially imposed mall shopping on those expensive branded clothes instead of saving their hard earned income for early retirement - it's like "i spent so much money on these designer clothes it's gotta increase my chances of hooking up with a hot chick when i wear this to the club tonight". oh c'mon. really? stop wasting your time and money. there is zero chance of you getting laid even if you drive a maserati and wear a $5 thousand itialian suit. on the other hand if you are good looking, even if you let the ladies know you buy your clothes from the second hand thrift store the ladies will just say, "oh my gosh that's the thing now? i have to tell my mom to accompany me to the thrift store tomorrow. this is gonna be so exciting !!!".

call me cynical, harsh and mean, but if you are still young, ignore me at your own peril. nowadays it's common for my old buddies in the states to visit the philippines. they used to ridicule me for my weird ways and tough love sermons but now they cry when i drop them off at the airport like a 5 year old boy being dropped off by his parents on his first day of preschool. they don't want to go back to the states. they wish their vacation is 6 months instead of the measly, pathetic and depressing 2 weeks. meanwhile, i've been on a 50+ year vacation since i was 39 years old. they regret that they did not follow my advice to live with 4 roommates so rental will just be $300/month, buy a 10 year old toyota corolla instead of a brand new BMW, and buy walmart clothes instead of maxing out their credit cards with brand name clothes.  

also, i'm not saying unattractive guys are losers. it's the act of going to night clubs to try to hook up with hot chicks that makes them a loser. good looks are not important. beauty is just relative. anyone can find love or other passions in life irregardless of how they look. the most miserable people i know are actually very good looking and even married. there is nothing wrong with being uncool because life always has something for everyone - nature always seeks equilibrium. example if i have a more likable personality i would probably be happily married right now but i also would not have the ultimate freedom that i enjoy right now.

back in the states, my friends would normally ask me to go out with them to bars or night clubs.  but the last straw for me was when we were lining up to get in at a night club in palo alto california. we were standing in line for quite some time when a bunch of gorgeous girls who just arrived with their arrogant dates was let in by the bouncers, bypassing the long line. i asked my friends why they did not have to fall in line. my friend stupidly answered "because they are cool". i was like, "what? are you kidding me? are you serious? are you saying you will just allow those clowns to degrade you light that? shyeeet !!! they are probably just a bunch of boneheaded pot smokers living in their parent's basement. i'm outta here dude !!!". i later learned that was like a norm or accepted culture in the night club scene. my friends used to ridicule me for driving a junky car and wearing walmart clothes even if i had a high income. after that incident i advised them out of sincere concern for them that dignity is more important than material things and they should not allow anyone to debase them like that. there is nothing wrong with expensive cars as long as you get your priorities straight. what's the use of driving a brand new bmw if you will just allow a bunch of bozos to walk over you by cutting in line?

after that my friends (they were actually my filipino golfing and basketball buddies so we kept seeing each other) continued to invite me out to night clubs and i kept suggesting that it would be more fun if we just buy some food and drinks and do karaoke at one of our houses. one time i asked them what was their main goal for going to bars and night clubs? they said to hook up with someone. then i asked how many years they have been going? the answers ranged between 5-15 years. then i asked how many times, if any, did they ever score or hook up with someone? DEAD SILENCE !!! anyone ??? ok let me be less harsh. how many times did any of you even get to dance with someone? again dead silence. the silence was broken when someone suggested we go to 7-11 to buy some drinks and snacks for karaoke. 

i once saw this dude named aga muhlach in a night club in san francisco. he is an actor back in the philippines and a national heartthrob because of his good looks. wherever he goes, girls would scream and go wild when they see him. but in america he was just a regular guy. nobody was even paying attention to him. i was dumbfounded when he was talking to a couple of white girls and after a while it was the girls who left and shot him down. i told my friends about this story and told them, if aga muhlach is having a tough time, what chance do we have? don't get me wrong my uncle mike and his best friend jun pongos were filipinos and were quite successful hooking up with hot chicks but they were very cool good looking blokes.

i had this russian coworker named tanya who i was quite attracted to. she preferred that we only be friends but she advised me to learn russian and go to russia where there are many beautiful girls and they will like me. thanks to the soviet powerful elite for realizing it would be more efficient for them to rape their country's resources and become much richer if they open up russia to capitalism, it was now possible for me to visit. so i went and tanya was right. it was like shooting fish in the barrel. soviet union just collapsed so there was no proper law and order. only brave men from other countries would go there so there was less competition. i like my country weak and corrupt. it was fun utilizing my street smarts to evade the mafias and criminals trying to extort money from tourists.

but the only girls i was able to hook up with were the barbie dolls in the bars and night clubs. they all smoked and drank heavily which turned me off. they were also jail baits, probably 14 years old. i even saw roger dalton of "the who" in a night club partying with teenage girls. i enjoyed his super bowl half time performance so i won't mention how old the girls were so he doesn't get in trouble. although by now you are probably aware that whenever we attend a concert of our favorite rock band of the 60's 70's or 80s we are basically paying tribute to statutory rapists (watch the movie "almost famous")

the women that really attracted me were the professional or office worker type - less trophy and more human, bold, opinionated, just past her peak and starting to realize that she has to settle for less. but it was very difficult for me to break the ice or talk to them.

i returned to russia the following year. i brought with me 10 nokia cellphones. i would find a broken pay phone and wait for a beautiful lady to attempt to make a call. i pretend to happen to just pass by and notice her predicament. if she is not wearing a wedding ring i would offer to let her borrow my cellphone. then i would invite her to dinner or a cafe. if we hit it off i would ask her if we can meet again. if she obliges i give her the cellphone so that i can contact her. that brings us to rule #1:

rule #1. attractive men giver their phone number. ugly men give their cellphone.

the next day i would give her a call. a man with a drunk voice answers. turns out russian women wear their wedding ring on their right hand and that was her very angry husband answering the phone. no worries mate. i still have 9 cellphones left. this brings us to rule #2.

rule #2: increasing the number of attempts increases the chance for success (law of large numbers) (i'm just joking with this annoying rules thingy. i should just free flow from now on)

i finally became good friends with a beautiful red head named dina (i was disappointed the carpet did not match the drapes - it was hardwood floor. by the way many of my zingers in my blog emanates from watching too many stand up comedy and i can't remember who to give credit to). i normally don't write about things that you can already find in the internet but here's a collage of tips on how to win a woman's friendship that i cut and paste from the google results:

make them think they matter. appreciate everything they are and everything they do. find out their interest and be interested.  never argue. most women are locked in their own worlds, making them stubborn and hard to persuade. the way to lure them out of their shell and set up your seduction is to enter their spirit. play by their rules, enjoy what they enjoy, adapt yourself to their moods. in doing so you will stroke their deep-rooted narcissism and lower their defenses. indulge your targets’ every move and whim, giving them nothing to react against or resist. a perfectly satisfied person cannot be seduced. tension and disharmony must be instilled in your targets’ minds. stir within them feelings of discontent, and unhappiness with their circumstances and themselves. the feeling of inadequacy that you create will give you space to insinuate yourself, to make them see you as the answer to their problems. pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to pleasure. learn to manufacture the need that only you can fill. smile. gaze and lock into their eyes. create an elusive, enigmatic aura, which makes them want to know more about you, drawing them into your circle. create power by hinting at something contradictory within you. slow your words. i use warm open phrases. nothing sharp. nothing that bites. example:

would you like to go swimming with me? (women don't like questions)

let's go swimming !!! (too demanding)

i'm going swimming this afternoon if you care to join me (perfect)

as expected, dina was not interested in a romantic relationship. i regularly gave her hints that my past relationships were just "friends with benefits". at the same time, i continued to collect friendships with other attractive women. i call this "planting the seeds". harvest time is usually after 2-3 years of visiting, emailing, long distance phone calls, alternating an exciting presence with a cool distance, exuberant moments followed by calculated absences. during this time i get to know her ultimate dream - usually a chanel or louis vuitton purse, a high end cellphone or staying in one of the sunny and plush sharm el sheik resorts in the red sea where moses parted the sea so the jews can cross (eastern european women love to cultivate their own stage 3 skin cancer) .

when i feel it's harvest time, i visit them again. by this time we are already dear dear friends with nothing to hide and be embarrassed about. out of 10 seeds, usually about 7 will turn out to be a very decent human being that it's impossible for me to ever have sex with them. they will slap me on the face if i propose anything indecent. however, sometimes 1 of them would be the one to propose to me . while the other 2 i will have to propose to and usually 1 will accept my indecent proposal. sometimes they will laugh and say "i'll think about it" and it takes another year before they say yes. so the success rate is roughly 1.5/10 or 1.5%. some will even compromise to just hugging and kissing but not go all the way. some will say "never never never" upfront but months later they message me saying they want to take my offer. some will say "yes yes yes" enthusiastically but then years would pass by and they just keep postponing saying they are not yet ready and continue to enjoy our companionship.

you might think 2-3 years is too long a wait but actually the wait only occurs in the beginning. after that you will be continuously harvesting as long as you are also continuously planting seeds, and also some relationships could span many years so i really don't have to keep planting that many seeds.

i'm using words like "seeds" and "harvest" but don't get me wrong i don't treat them like commodities when i'm with them (only when planning my strategy). they are not exactly #metoo cases. i always genuinely enjoy their companionship and value their friendship.

THE JOURNEY IS MORE ENJOYABLE THAN THE DESTINATION.

don't expect sex. if it comes it comes (no pun intended). i actually got heartbroken a few times. so far none of them developed serious feelings for me. i guess that's just not my destiny. can't complain though. there are even times where we get in touch years later and they would apologize. i'm like what are you apologizing for? i should be thanking you. they think they were the ones taking advantage of me. unbelievable !!!

reminds me of an episode of this show in youtube with millions of views where people who've been victimized or abused would report it to the host named ben tulfo and the show would be about the host trying to assist the victim seek justice (true social justice warrior without the liberal agenda baggage). the show is usually serious and impressively noble but this particular episode was about a guy who had a really attractive girlfriend totally out of his league who was just using him for money. you can tell the guy's real motive to be on the show was to show off to the whole world that he just scored a really hot chick. the host masterfully played along and turned it into a very funny episode, aware that any normal guy wouldn't mind being ripped off if it means scoring a very hot chick.

the time came when everyone in the world including the remote sentinelese tribes already had cellphones so i had to change my strategy in eastern europe (after some heated deliberations with the washington concensus). also at around 2005 it became much tougher to meet girls, at least in the big cities like kiev due to the fact that it was now much safer for tourists so there was an influx of sex tourists (italians, germans, indians, etc ...). it was disheartening - i could smell the foul stench of european socialism around the city. also more ukrainian women learned to speak english so my advantage of speaking russian was now less useful.  "may the best man win" never bodes well for me. i am one of those who think competition should be frowned upon. i like participation awards. dodge ball should be banned in schools because it simulates war. it encourages the strong to victimize the weak. it hurts people's feelings. i even invented this really sweet version of musical chairs where there are always enough chairs and universal healthcare for everyone when the music stops. that is why i like to live in north korea because there is no competition for anything.

(by the way around this time i avoided russia where extortion by the police and mafia was more rampant compared to ukraine). competition was becoming the new normal so i had to be more creative. i noticed in ukraine that instead of barbers, young beautiful women were the ones who cut men's hair in the salons. so i surveyed the whole city recording down and ranking the list of beautiful hairdressers. the next day i started visiting them one by one, asking only to get a short trim so that i still have enough hair left for my next prospect. we all know it's normal for a customer to talk to the hairdresser so it was a non awkward scheme to establish a friendship.

when i was walking around the city one sunday morning, i heard some singing coming from one of the inner buildings. i traced where the sound was coming from and it turned out to be an evangelical church service. i was mesmerized at the many beautiful girls. i went in and joined the service. during collection i gave a huge donation, making sure some people saw my spectacular act. after the service, some beautiful girls introduced themselves. we exchanged numbers so they can invite me to their upcoming church activities. that night i searched the internet to take a crash course and became an instant expert on the evangelical church. later on, i found out that most of the girls were just new to the church. they were recently approached by recruiters while they were hanging out in the park so i didn't really feel out of place. i also became good buddies with one of the american pastors. 

around 2010, eastern european cities were infested with low pedigree and bad mannered western european men which gave all male tourists like me a bad reputation. by that time i was retired so i had time to venture out to the more remote towns and villages of eastern ukraine seeking greener pastures.  i lived in coed dorms.

rule #3: handsome men meet women in bars and night clubs. ugly men meet women sleeping next to them in the coed dorms.

it was amaze balls. one time a bunch of high school girls on a field trip stayed at the dorm i was staying at and some would walk from the shower room to their room totally naked (they were playing a dare contest). i became close friends with many residents - many memorable nights of drinking, guitar playing and singing. i experience my first one night stand score - a weightlifter from moldova who was in town for a weightlifting competition. no i'm not gay. she was female. surprisingly she had quite a feminine body despite her sport. she was not that beautiful and she was already in her late 40's. but it was her white and smooth skin complexion and high pedigree that attracted me to her. 

western ukraine only speaks ukrainian and i don't know how to speak ukrainian. fortunately eastern ukraine like lugansk and donetsk speak russian. unfortunately around 2014 war with russia broke out in that region so it was too dangerous for me to go there. i thought the war won't last long because it was ridiculous - almost all the ukrainians i knew had close relationships with russians - relatives, dear friends, classmates, etc ... there were many russian - ukranian couples and families. the war is just senseless and heartbreaking. violence is still ongoing as of this writing.

i can't wait to go back to ukraine, especially with the exchange rate of ukraine's local currency hryvnia. my US dollar would be king. i know that's a horrible thing to say (even ghandi would take a swing at me). while waiting for the violence to subside, i stayed in my home country the philippines for the meantime.

in the philippines, my strategy is to hang around and eat at canteens or cafeterias around the low end colleges and universities (by the way don't think this is all i do i have many other passions so this is just a small part of my life as evident by the diverse range of articles in my blog). i discovered a large female boarding house for university students. i noticed that at friday and saturday nights they would hang out at the sidewalk outside their boardinghouse which is usually rare but in that case it was conducive to hang outside because it was more secluded from the busy traffic and vehicle pollution. i realized those girls probably have no spare allowance to go on a night out or gimmick and i'm sure almost everyone of those girls are craving to put on their trendy clothes and make up and go clubbing. well, i don't want to make this article longer than it already is so just use your imagination on what happens next. if you really wanna know, a lot of the information is in https://ian-crystal.blogspot.com/2018/08/how-to-arrange-photos-in-iphone.html. 

when i first arrived in the philippines, everyone thought i was a pick-up artist or magician because of my facebook postings with beautiful ukrainian women. so my friends and cousins would usually invite me to go with them to bars or nightclubs, believing i could help them hook up with hot chicks. they would usually start by pointing out this particular nightclub has lots of hot chicks. i would then tell them that information is not important. a more important questions is, are there plenty of hot guys? they would be like what ?#?!? are you gay? i would tell them no i'm not gay but 50 hot chicks and 50 hot guys equals 0 hot chicks for us unless we look like tom cruise.

then they would find a bar with a more favorable hot chicks to hot guys ratio and invite me. then i would ask them if there are gay guys in that bar, because if there are none, then i won't go. again they would be confused and ask me why i would only go if there are gays. i would tell them - just imagine, you see a girl you like, what will you do? talk to her? are you kidding me? good luck with that. let's go to that bar anyway and i will show you how it's done. the entire time in the bar i would see a hot chick and tell them to go and talk to her. they wouldn't of course because approaching a girl in the bar only happens in the movies or one's imagination. the night is almost over and as expected, no one has made progress. the entire time i was scanning the place for a nice good natured friendly gay guy that has girl companions that are realistically good looking. didn't have to be hot. the girl just had to be what i call "edible". especially if it's a high end bar, i'm not ignoring the possibility i would meet a nice, well educated woman that i could grow old with and be the mother of my children. i didn't make friends with the girl, because that would just be a waste of time. instead, i made friends with her gay friend, which gave me a better shot at the girl. surely enough, a few weeks later - they invited me to an island hopping excursion. the girl i liked already had a boyfriend. but i still had the time of my life, enjoying the island hopping which i always loved since i was a kid. i met new friends and i never had to wonder "what might have been". which leads me to rule #4:

rule #4: never leave any stone unturned

my golfing buddies back in bay area california used to ridicule me for always hitting on a woman (politely and decently of course) even if i'm always getting turned down. they said that at some point, a normal person is supposed to be ashamed and embarrassed and give up. i just laughed at them and called them idiots. i told them "why the hell would i care what you guys think of me?". but one day there was this very young and hot italian girl who was also a superb golfer. all the guys in the golf course were crazy about her. any normal guy in my shoes would not even think about hooking up with her. it's just impossible because she was way out of my league. one day i overheard her in the pro shop setting a twilight tee time for 2pm sunday afternoon. when she left the pro shop i also booked the same tee time. on the day of our tee time, the angels got together and decided to create a dream come true. so they sprinkled moon dust on the golf course so that it was just the 2 of us when we played. the sunny but cool summer afternoon gave a romantic ambience. birds suddenly appeared. just like me, they longed to be close to her. we played until it was dark. she was laughing at my jokes.

we started going out. on some days i would taunt my golfing buddies drinking in the bar by showing public displays of affection with her out in the veranda. when she went back to italy, i was back hanging out with my golfing buddies. we had a newcomer in our group who started to notice my automatic habit of talking to any prospective girl i see. when he tried to call my attention about it, all my other golfing buddies immediately interrupted him and told him what i'm doing is actually correct and told him the life lesson about the italian chick. I NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. so again, the lesson here is never leave any stone unturned.

back in the philippines, my cousin invited me to go with his college buddies to an island resort called boracay which is known to be a party place and has the hottest chicks around the world. again they thought i was a guru pickup artist and they wanted me to teach them. my cousin and his friends are actually the type of guys who normally wouldn't have any trouble picking up chicks. they are good looking, high pedigree and they come from ateneo university which is like an ivy league or harvard. but boracay was a different league and they wanted to give it a shot. they nicknamed me "the CEO".

we arrived friday night so of course there will be huge parties that night. we shared 1 big room. excitement was in the air, and while they were getting ready, i had front row seats to metro-sexuality live in action - the trendy clothes, designer shoes, sophisticated grooming gadgets and chemicals, culminating with cologne and perfume emissions that could accelerate climate change and put republicans to shame. meanwhile i was getting ready to go to bed. i wished them luck and told them to have fun. of course they were shocked and confused because i'm suppose to be their guide. after a few attempts to persuade me, i told them to trust me and that they are about to learn their first lesson.

i may sound like a kill joy but i actually do enjoy hanging out with friends, socializing and meeting new people. i love to talk but you can't do that in a night club with very loud music. it bewilders me when i see people doing lengthy conversations, taking turns depositing saliva in each other's ears as if negotiating a UN peace treaty which can't be put on hold for a much quieter venue because millions are dying every second. i mean i actually enjoy night clubs i just don't want guys putting their mouth close to my ears and using their hands to funnel their saliva inside my ears. the warm sensation of a guy's saliva inside my ears creeps me out. although i do love dancing even though i suck at it. i like nightclubs also because i appreciate good sound systems, especially powerful but clean bass because it was a cool thing when we were teenagers and i can only afford the sub standard components while rich kids had state of the art equipment. its funny how we always appreciate something we were deprived of when we were kids. so if you give your kids everything, they will grow up to appreciate less in life. thankfully deprivation is just relative and there is always something you want that you can't get even if you grow up rich unless you are like michael jackson or whitney houston who had literally everything. that's probably why they resorted to drugs and died young. this may sound off topic but attitude is important when picking up chicks.

the faint sound of giant speakers pumping bass from a distance soothed me and gave me a good night sleep. dawn comes and i was awoken when my "apprentices" arrived in the room. as expected, they were drunk, pissed, bitching and spewing all kinds of profanities. at breakfast that morning they told me they were swindled by a bunch of girls who jammed with them the entire night ordering very expensive drinks which they ended up paying for, but when the night was almost over, a bunch of european guys came and took the girls home with them.

i told them, i hope you learned your first lesson - know where you are in the food chain. you may be the big fish in your small pond but when you go to the ocean, you are just a nobody. so i advised them to just enjoy the rest of the trip, enjoy the fabulous white sand beach, and be proud and be thankful that when you go back to your respective ponds, you will have much nicer girls waiting for you. hot girls in night clubs are overrated - they usually drink, smoke, have poor attitudes and most likely they have more manly features and they just look good in the dark with their thick makeup and deceiving attire. from a certain perspective, the sweet girl next door and even barrio lass beauty has better qualities. hot chicks in nightclubs are like ice cream. a sweet financially struggling college girl is like a tuna sandwich.

in the afternoon, i was on my way to go swimming when i passed by my apprentices hanging around the souvenir stalls watching people walking by. i invited them to go swimming with me but they said they were trying to pick up chicks. i said, "if you see a girl you like, then what? are you gonna stop her? nothing is more awkward and maybe even more rude than blocking a girl who is probably in a hurry or has somewhere important to go". unless you are brad pit. so we went swimming instead and had a blast. boracay is so much fun. we made friends with 2 swedish girls but i told my apprentices not to expect anything or it's a low probability of success because why would they need any of you when they already had each other?

a loner is a higher probability target.

when we got done swimming, i saw a local man approach the 2 swedish girls. the man offered them a nice hotel room for only P500 ($10) which is insanely cheap. i immediately knew it was a scam but usually locals don't harm tourists because they are aware word spreads quickly especially with the internet and social media and they could lose their livelihood if the tourists stop coming. i followed them to the hotel which was pretty nice. i immediately suspected that man was a henchman for the hotel owner. the modus operandi is actually brilliant. imagine while the 2 swedish girls are having their free breakfast in the hotel, the owner approaches them to welcome them and make sure they are having a good time in their stay. then maybe invite them to his speed boat. genius !!! surely enough, that same day i saw the 2 swedish girls hopping on a speed boat with some rich dude.

the next day, my apprentices were surprised to see me with this very hot italian model. they asked how i met her. i told them it was a very long arduous ordeal so i will just write about it in my blog:

she was sunbathing alone in one of the more secluded spots. i am not the filipino zac efron so if i approach her i will just scare her away. so i pretended to sunbathe 20 yards away from her, confident that she is ignorant to the fact that sunbathing is something filipino guys never ever do. after a few minutes, she took a swim. i pretended to ignore her as if i'm not interested. when she came back to her spot, that's when i also went to take a swim as if hey girl, i don't want to be near you so i go swimming only when you are not swimming. i stayed in the water, hoping she will take another cooling dip soon. my prayers were answered from the heavens above, and we were both in the water about 10 yards away from each other. i continued to pretend to ignore her. i swam back and forth passing her but keeping a comfortable distance.

2 russian teenagers passed by. bingo !!! thank you lord !!! i started talking to them in russian making sure the italian chick hears us. then the italian got curious and started talking to me, asking why i know russian. it would be a turn off if a man learns russian just to meet russian girls so i lied and told her i worked for a russian high tech company developing programmable chips that is used in high tech medical devices, fighter jets and sophisticated weapons, cellphones (and any cool gadget that i can think of at that time to impress her). here are our photos (requires you to be logged in to facebook) - https://web.facebook.com/ian.crystal.90/media_set?set=a.10151467113945321&type=3

this may be off topic but a lot of bizarre coincidences happened while we were together in boracay. first, the italian told me the reason why she came to boracay was because her brother is part of an international ultimate frisbee club and they had a tournament in boracay. she saw the pictures and also wanted to come. one of the members of the frisbee club residing in boracay was having a birthday dinner that evening and she was invited. she asked me if i could also come but knowing i have negative charisma and knowing filipinos are usually concerned with class or social status, i was worried i would just bum the birthday celebrant. but she won't go if i won't go. so i went.

turns out the birthday celebrant was my second degree cousin who i haven't met. her parents actually stayed in my house in palm springs just recently but i was in the philippines. she also just recently went with my mom on a vacation trip to bohol. what a coincidence !!! the amazing thing is how we got to know we were related. we were talking about business opportunities in boracay. i mentioned roasted chicken is very high in demand because of the long lines in my uncle's joint called andok's lechon. then she goes, "hey that's also my uncle tito sandy". so we had a blast talking about our other family members that we mutually knew. as if that's not enough, after dinner she took us to this underground nightclub that she owned located in a more remote or secluded part of the island. when we arrived it turns out the dj was my very close friend back in high school named manster. i didn't recognize him at first. the italian chick was telling me how she loved the music because it was so unique. so i glanced at the dj and he looked so familiar. i almost fainted when i realized it was my long lost friend manster. he is one of those people who don't do facebook so it was the first time we saw each other after 25 years. i know this is off topic but it teaches you that sometimes, bad intentions and journeys such as picking up chicks can lead to wonderful events. example if america is not imperialistic the philippines would have probably been brutalized by japan for decades.

the term "picking up chicks" may sound horrible because it treats women like commodities. that's always true to a certain extent and i agree a person who does not do that is a much better person. but it's like saying "driving a car is dangerous". it depends on how fast you drive. and of course it's much safer to sit at home than drive a car no matter how slow you drive. but just like driving a car, there are many benefits you gain from picking up chicks. example you learn more about people that you can't learn in books and literature. that is why i think gifted, venerable, and moral people like super intellectuals have very unrealistic political opinions even if they are suppose to be the smartest.

we live in different "worlds" or subcultures, with different morality standards. it's great if the high standard worlds would be in charge of society but the problem is the lesser quality worlds are the overwhelming majority and we have a quazi democracy where the majority gets to choose the leaders. intellectuals dream for a true democracy. as the saying goes, be careful for what you wish for. as the internet and social media empowers the masses to move closer to a truer democracy, we start to get leaders that the "lesser standard" worlds can relate to. the result is duterte and trump, which the intellectuals despise.

example when i was just new working in silicon valley i wasn't aware my coworkers who came from schools such as MIT and stanford were recently canonized by the catholic church as living saints so when a sexy HR rep passed by and i commented on her hotness they chastised me. the expressions on their faces were like, "what's wrong with you ian?". contrast this to the mass majority like construction workers who would even go as far as making cat calls when a hot chick passes by. so instead of super intellectuals just reading shakespeare or humboldt and ignoring jackasses like me writing about how to get laid, they should also pay attention to the world with lesser standards. i'm not talking about economic or intellectual status because there are rich and educated yet immoral people while there are also poor and uneducated yet moral people. example - dr. jose rizal, the national hero of the philippines and the country's foremost intellectual was a playboy. maybe the reason why rizal was very effective intellectual and inspired the whole nation was because he shared the same "heart and soul" as the people, including their imperfections.

also watch this shocking speech of duterte where he coaches the marines on how to pick up chicks when they go to manila - Full Speech of Pres. Duterte at Jolo, Sulu with Mr. Steven Seagal - December 1, 2017 (this is like the leaked hollywood access tape where trump is boasting about grabbing a woman's pussy except that there is no need to leak anything because he is literally announcing it to the whole world). during the election duterte even said "fuck you" to the pope, although intellectuals would probably praise him for that because they consider the catholic church as an evil organization along with the US government. but remember, he said fuck you to the pope while he was trying to get elected by a country that is strongly devoted to the catholic church and he still won by overwhelming margin. it's time intellectuals should learn about the true colors of the mass majority and realize it's more productive to criticize the mass majority instead of endlessly demonizing the powerful elite.

the apple does not fall far from the tree and the fact is that i come from a very good tree - my family, friends and classmates are horrified at the things i write and post in facebook. so there is always this force that magnetizes me towards my good tree. that is why i never hurt my chicks and make sure the relationship is symbiotic. i've never scored a chick who years later would not thank me for being a part of their life once upon a time. on the other hand, many morally superior people i know have experienced disastrous relationships and unintentionally hurt their girlfriends and even spouses, some even to the point of wanting to commit suicide. so finding true love may be more honorable than picking up chicks but it is also a double edge sword.

many billionaires tell you their secret is that getting rich was never their main goal. it's usually helping people, working with people, creating something exciting, solving a problem, etc ... similarly, your goal when picking up chicks should be to make another person happy. sex should just be an unimportant consequence. otherwise you are just like dogs mating at the side of the road. infatuation's final destination is the complete and merciless devaluation of self. be a rescuer, not a predator. even if you have ulterior motives, that's ok because even true love has ulterior motives. a very moral friend even told me i should have kids so that someone will take care of me when i grow old.

speaking of billionaires, one of my high school classmates is a chief of staff of a billionaire senator and one time leading presidential candidate named manny villar. they travelled to russia and in one of her facebook photos of the trip, she commented that the senator was mesmerized by the beautiful russian women. then i realized, of all his fortune and power, all he can do is admire the beauty of the women (reminds me of usain bolt's shock and awe when he visited russia) while i'm just a nobody but i was able to enjoy a relationship and sleep with them because i have more time and freedom to learn the language, find a nice woman and develop the relationship. of course the senator is still more fortunate than me when it comes to the big picture. but for me, prestige, social status, private jets and yachts are nothing compared to dating a woman i'm attracted to. as the saying goes, the happiest time of a yacht owner's life is the time he bought the yacht and the time he sold it. of course any billionaire like trump can go to russia incognito and hire a very high end russian stormishka danielchika but that's not very gratifying because affection and intimacy with a prostitute is too limited for obvious reasons (golden showers are overrated). so let me end this article with the battle cry for unlikable dudes:

nature always seeks equilibrium

(for more of my knowledge bombs, click the "ian's knowledge bombs" banner at the top of this article and choose any article in the table of contents that piques your interest)