i am the king of perspective acrobatics. of course because i invented this art and i am the only one practicing this art ....
the sign in this photo explains why an old ugly fart like me can get a young beautiful girlfriend in the philippines (my girlfriends are very young compared to me they are both 8 years younger than me. i'm 48 years old and they are both 40 years old. one is 18 years old and the other is 22 years old so 18+22=40. hahaha). a lawyer is suppose to be one of the smarter members of a society. when i got fined for parking my maserati in front of a parking zone sign, i talked to the legal counsel of the complaints division of the city's transportation department. he told me this sign clearly says you are not allowed to park after 7pm. so stupid. it's like the mathematician of the government saying 1+1=5. now extrapolate that stupidity down the hierarchy into the rest of society. this means 10 years from now i can still easily get a young beautiful girlfriend. contrast this to smarter countries like america or norway where unless i'm filthy rich, even the ugliest chics don't want to have anything to do with me. in fairness philippines is still relatively one of the smarter countries compared to many shithole countries that trump enumerated.
the incident also proves why big government or socialistic policies of the democrats are stupid. if you let the government handle a certain service, then when a moronic government worker screws you over, there is nothing you can do about it, or it will take so long and it would be such a hassle. you cannot go next door to a competition. socialistic policies only work in very competent societies like norway where most people are smart and hardworking and won't try to game the system (e.g. pretend to be sick so they don't have to work) -
i was not sure if i'm right maybe it's just another case of "the world revolves around me". so i got advice from one of my smarter friends who is also the provincial administrator and he told me i'm right (note: me googling the #1 province and provincial adminstrator is a joke because it's common knowledge that cebu is the #1 most prosperous province and he is the provincial administrator). here is our convo in messenger:
(me:) bai mark, do you think i have a good case and do you think it would benefit society if i pursue this? i hate to bother you i know you have many more important matters to attend to but if you can take time to read below it would be great. salamat daan bai.
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my humble car got clamped when i parked in front of a "parking zone" sign. i was buying lansones just a few yards away and the people nearby told the CITOM officers that i (the driver) was just nearby but they clamped it anyway while they saw me running towards the car. the cops told me to read the sign because it says no parking after 7pm. i think the sign means 7am-7pm you need to pay and beyond that parking is free. they told me that they have the right to clamp the car if the driver is not in the car. i told them they may be right but their goal is not to clamp as many cars as possible but to make people's lives better and make sure people obey the law. but i was obeying the law because i was parking in front of a parking zone sign and there was no sign that says no parking at a certain time. they also told me there is a city ordinance since 2004 that there is no overnight parking. i told them there has to be at least a small text in the parking zone sign saying parking is not allowed after a certain time because cebu city is a tourist town and there are many balikbayans like me who arrived just recently. and i was clearly not overnight parking because the people nearby told them the driver is just nearby just buying fruits. unfortunately i had my back turned and i was too focused on choosing the best lansones and it took a while for someone to bring it to my attention. i think the cops were being abusive. the law and their job is to make people's lives better and not use the law as an opportunity to hassle people. to me this incident is not a big deal because i'm retired and have lots of free time or i don't mind wasting a day having to go to the police station, pay the small fine then go retrieve my vehicle. but most people are not like me. other people have stressful jobs and a family to support and an incident like this could really hassle them or hit them hard. and i'm sure many cops and CITOM officers are good people and they are doing a phenomenal job and i'm always impressed at the great job the cebu provincial and city government is doing right now. but there are always bad apples in every great organization and i think it's my duty to try to prevent these bad apples from victimizing other people. i feel it's my duty to file a case against those police officers in hopes it will send a message to other bad apples to be more pragmatic or practical and avoid abusive behavior. i actually hope i have no case because then i can just continue enjoying my fun retirement. but if a lawyer tells me i have a case, then gosh darn it my personal principle will force me to sacrifice my time and energy to file a case in hopes the bad apples will realize they should just do their best to help society and avoid being abusive.
------------------- mark's response:
(my reply): ok salamat kaayo bai. i will also ask them how i can volunteer to put a no parking (with the time info) sticker on those signs. downtown is very small so there's probably less than 50 of them because most of the signs are "no stopping" and "no parking". i drive a motorcycle so it won't be that difficult. i was just thinking it's possible a dad who has a kid with pneumonia and needs to go out in the middle of the night to buy medicine might be victimized. imagine you are having financial difficulties having trouble paying for your kid's tuition and your job is so tiring and stressful so you really need to sleep early but you force yourself to go out to buy your kid's medicine and you come back to your car after 5 minutes and find out your car is clamped even if it's parked in the parking zone and there's no sign or way of knowing you should not park there. to think it's very illogical that you can park there for 2 hours in the middle of rush hour but can't park there when there are no more cars. no parking signs are suppose to prevent traffic. actually i already paid the P1.5k fine and got the car already it just baffled me when i went to their legal section to try to complain they insisted there was nothing wrong with the sign. they told me the sign clearly says you can't park after 7 pm. so stupid. although it always makes me happy to realize most people are relatively stupid because if most people are smart then chances are they will be the software engineers who retired early and i will be the one working as a CITOM or in that office all my life. hehehe. actually i just passed by a parking zone sign that clearly said no parking from 12am to 5am. this proves that they admit that the sign would mean it is ok to park anytime if the sign does not include this exception. attached is the picture. you don't have to respond i'm just bouncing this off you in case you have an important comment. thanks again.
(mark's reply):
(my reply): hahaha. that's true. i can only imagine by now your frustration with some government officials you've worked with. but you can always look at it as glass half full - it makes your job even more critical and important. just treat it as a fun challange like playing chess instead of a painful headache. hehehe. like if they allow me to put stickers on those signs i would be having fun doing that. and thanks to your advice on how to proceed and that i should proceed (at first i wasn't sure maybe it's just a case of "the world revolves around me") i now have a purpose albeit a small one :-) i even view incompetence of others as a good thing because if everyone is competent, chances are they will be the software engineers who got to retire early and i will be the one working as a CITOM all my life working 8 hours everyday in that heat, humidity and pollution. although it's painful for me when someone says that because my dad was a government official all his life. but lately i realized it's almost like saying a fish cannot climb a tree so it stays in the water. we all have different roles and all our roles are important. so now i'm not confused anymore why my dad has 2 masters degree in a management field in university of wisconsin and loses his retirement savings in a restaurant business while jesse bernad or even an uneducated person becomes wildly successful in that kind of business. my dad is actually very talented but in a different way and he has used his talent to help a lot of people and i'm still very proud of him. and of course there are always exceptions. example the provincial administrator of the number 1 province in the country would be an exception. i don't know which province is number 1 and who that provincial adminstrator is. i will google it later on when i have time to find out.
(mark's reply):
-------------------------- end of messenger convo ----------------
my dad told me that he will setup a meeting with the CITOM decision makers. turns out my dad was the one who introduced clamping in the city back in the day when he was a government official. he also said even if i was parking in a no parking zone, what they did was a violation of the rule where they should chalk the tire first then only after 30 minutes can they clamp the vehicle.
just like the inevitable "feature creep" in software development world, i'm thinking of also advocating to stop the harassment of taxi drivers where their taxi is clamped even if they are just sleeping in the car to take a rest even if it's the middle of the night and the streets are empty. the rule says you can't clamp a vehicle if the driver is in the car so they should just wake up the driver. taxi drivers are part of the backbone of the economy. they should be treated with respect and not be abused (https://ian-crystal.blogspot.com/2018/01/scorned-heroes.html). besides it's a safety issue if you don't let taxi drivers rest and sleep when they are tired. they could fall asleep while driving and run over a pedestrian. that pedestrian could be your daughter.
this means maybe instead of volunteering to put the "no parking after 7pm" sticker on the pay parking zone signs, i should advocate to allow parking for 2 hours because it's stupid to allow 2 hour parking during rush hour but not allow parking during the night when there are no more cars. again the law is suppose to make people's lives better. so let's say i'm driving in the middle of the night and want to stop by 7-11 to get a hotdog and gatorade. the pay parking zone was beside 7-11 and it's just ridiculous that i can't park for 5 minutes just to buy something from 7-11 in the middle of the night. it's hurting the 7-11 business owner who is a contributor to the economy. it also hurts me as a citizen because then i will be very hungry because i can't buy my hotdog and gatorade.
3/15/19 update:
me and my dad met with one of the heads of CITOM named lina and as expected she did not understand any of the issues i explained. she even said parking after 7pm is a fire hazard because the fire truck would not be able to position properly if there is a fire. so stupid !!! that's why these people work in government because they are too stupid to survive in the private world. that is why democrats and progressives are so stupid to support big government policies.
i talked to president duterte's nephew, onnie duterte, who was also my childhood friend. he said to just wait after the city elections because the current city administration belongs to the opposition party. if the current administration loses he can help me.
i called the duterte hotline and they give me an email address to send my complaints to. this is the email i sent:
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To whom it may concern,
On February 6 of this year, at around 12 midnight, at Pelaez st. near the corner of Colon st, my car was clamped when I parked in front of a "parking zone" sign. The sign had no "no parking" notice of any kind. Attached are the pictures.
I was buying fruits just a few yards away and the people nearby told the CITOM officers that i was just nearby but they clamped it anyway. I was just away for less than 5 minutes. When I protested, the officers insisted that the sign clearly meant you are not allowed to park after 7pm. Of course that's ridiculous but I kept my calm, understanding that maybe the officers are not that educated and it will be sorted out in their office.
I complained this to the legal office of CITOM but the lawyer also insisted that the sign meant no parking after 7pm. That just blew my mind. That's like a math professor saying 1+1 = 5 .
But just to make sure it's not a case of "the world revolved around me" attitude, I've been asking many people's opinions. Everyone else I talked to, even my lawyer friends told me it's a clear sign of intentional abuse or corruption. The lawyer can't be that stupid therefore the only explanation of his stupidity is he was covering the corrupt modus operandi instead of doing his job of helping the otherwise helpless citizen. I'm not sure if my friends were just joking or serious but some even said it's a fundraising campaign to be used for the election.
The next day after paying the P1,500 fine, while waiting by my clamped car for an officer to stop by and unclamp my car, many people who passed by were asking why I was clamped in front of a "pay parking zone" sign. Some even got angry and said, "e sumbong ni Duterte" (report it to Duterte). Even the CITOM traffic officers and parking attendant agreed it was ridiculous that my car got clamped. They said they are aware of the ordinance but the sign should at least be updated to inform the people.
I saw a "pay parking zone" sign at the side street of Robinsons Cybergate mall in Fuente but it had "no parking 12am - 5am" in clear read letters at the bottom of the sign. This is clear evidence that CITOM agrees the sign where I got clamped does not mean no parking after 7pm because otherwise, they would not have added this to the sign beside Cybergate mall.
A taxi driver even told me there are cases were a taxi driver sleeping in his car gets clamped. I'm not sure if this is true maybe it's just a rumour but the government is suppose to assist and serve the public. Their job is not to clamp as many cars as they can. This abusive culture in CITOM needs to stop. Imagine a taxi driver who is having family problems, financial difficulties, and maybe a child at home who is sick. After driving for many hours they find a good parking spot in the middle night to take a quick nap then they wake up to realize their taxi is clamped. Imagine the burden on their finance from the fine and not being able to continue working that day. I also know driving a taxi is such a grueling job. Three of my childhood friends who became taxi drivers are now dead from various illnesses. Driving in traffic for 2 hours is so painful for me and drains my soul and energy. Imagine taxi drivers toil for 12 hours everday for many years. Not to mention transportation is the backbone of the economy, therefore taxi drivers should be given due respect and assistance by the government instead of being treated like a cockroach. It's also a safety issue if you discourage taxi drivers from taking a rest when they are tired. Imagine if your daughter gets run over by a taxi who fell asleep on the wheel because they are not allowed to park anywhere in the middle of the night to get a rest? I apologize for going off topic I just want to get it off my chest because it makes me so angry every time i think about this.
The CITOM lawyer showed me an ordinance that there is no overnight parking. But I was not parking overnight. I was just parking for 5 minutes to buy something. It is their responsibility to add a notice to the sign that you are not allowed to park during a certain period of time. The job of the government is to make the citizen's lives easier. Not to mention Cebu is a tourist town and there are many balikbayans who may not be aware of this ordinance. It's just plain ridiculous for the government to expect the public to be informed of the hundreds or maybe thousands of ordinances that are not common sense. It's not common sense that you are not allowed to park in front of a "pay parking zone" sign.
It's also stupid to allow parking during the day for 2 hours even in the middle of rush hour, but not allow parking in the middle of the night for 5 minutes even when there are no more cars. Aren't parking restrictions meant to facilitate the flow of traffic?
When the laywer and the CITOM officers who clamped my car told me the sign clearly means no parking after 7pm, it really shocked me. Imagine a law abiding hardworking father who'se child has pneumonia so he goes out after 7pm to buy medicine. Imagine that dad has additional life problems like financial difficulties. As a law abading citizen he finds a parking spot and makes sure it's a parking zone. Then he comes back from the pharmacy after only 10 minutes and his car gets clamped. There is a Rose pharmacy and three-sixty pharmacy very near where I parked. I talked to some people there just recently and they told me the businesses are really hurting because of that stupid ordinance.
So is CITOM saying after 7 pm, we should all ride a taxi or public transportation to buy something in downtown? Pardon my profanity but that is BULLSHIT !!! So if I'm driving coming home from a hard day's work and I feel hungry so I want to stop by 7-11 to grab a hotdog and gatorade, I can't do that anymore after 7pm? Why? They should at least allow 30 minutes parking. Or since they allow 2 hours parking during the day, they should allow it during the night. A government is suppose to assist the tax paying citizens and businesses. After all, businesses provide revenue for the city to pay for the salaries of government workers and officials. There is a 24 hour Metro Gaisano groceries right across the street where I got clamped. So if I want to do groceries there I will now need to ride a taxi or jeepney? I can't use my car? BULLSHIT !!!
The ordinance is also hurting other businesses just a few steps from where I parked. There are 2 music bars, some pawnshops, and some restaurants such as Jollibee.
At first I thought there is nothing I can do about it but lately when I talked to my classmate and barkada in high school Mark Tolentino who is also the provincial administrator and chief of staff of Governor Davide, he suggested that i call Duterte's 8888 hotline. He encouraged me that Duterte's adminstration don't tolerate these kinds of abuse and they will do something about it.
Many have suggested to me that I should see to it that this issue gets resolved because corruption and abuse usually starts small and can easily get out of hand. They want to be raising their children in a town that is not ruined by corruption. I would like to humbly suggest that in order to prevent this from happening again,
1) Make a public announcement to compensate those that got clamped in a pay parking zone sign that did not have a no parking addendum to the sign
2) Reprimand the legal counsel officer, the CITOM officers that were involved in the clamping and the CITOM heads for their incompetence or dereliction of duty. I'm sure there are many hardworking and dedicated people working in CITOM and the problem is just caused by some bad apples. I actually think the CITOM organization as a whole is doing a great job. Every large organization would normally have bad apples and it is our duty and obligation as citizens to improve our society in any way we can.
3) Maybe do an investigation or audit of the funds coming from the clamping fines
4) Change the ordinance to allow 2 hour parking in pay parking zone areas at all times.
5) Implement chalking first before clamping. This is an international standard.
6) If there is a valid reason not to park in a pay parking zone during certain hours, put a clear and proper notice in the sign.
Sincerely yours,
Ian Crystal
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(for more of my knowledge bombs, click the "ian's knowledge bombs" banner at the top of this article and choose any article in the table of contents that piques your interest)
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